Alright, I am so excited to finally get to say this…next week is my final week of treatment!!! Yeahhhhhhh!! *pops champagne popper* *dances on table* *screams*
This is, most likely, the most momentous occasion of my life…so far. It’s more important to me than graduating high school, and high school was my personal version of hell. I’ve spent most of 2015 in IDC’s treatment program. I began program January 2nd, 2015 and I will finish on October 22nd, 2015. I did spend six weeks at TK for the second time. However, IDC has basically become my second home. I’ve spent more time there than with my own family.
I can’t even begin to explain how much IDC means to me. Without that place, I would most likely not be here or still be very very sick, mentally and physically. Finding IDC was/is one of the biggest blessings of my entire life. I remember the first day that I walked into the building. It was a few days after I was discharged from my first stay at TK. I was thoroughly unconvinced I needed more treatment, and I hated everyone for making me go to PHP. Meeting my new therapist didn’t make me very happy…I hated her at first. But somehow, during our first few sessions, I felt so comfortable and safe sharing my feelings with her.
The staff has taken care of me like they’re my family while I’ve been there. They look out for me, support me, and piss me off when they need to. Ha ha. I have never before found a place where every single staff member is amazing. Obviously, I care more for some than others, but they are all so passionate and dedicated. They honestly care so much about supporting clients so they can have a healthier and more fulfilling life.
Being sent back to TK was one of the hardest moments of my life. I cried my eyes out when AAC told me that I had two options. The first was to go back to TK and the second was to simply leave the program without a graduation. I wanted to be at IDC so badly. The next few days until I left for TK, I cried and cried, not wanting to leave a place where I felt so supported and comfortable. BM and ES showed me so much love and compassion as I left to go back to TK with constant hugs and reassurance.
AAC followed my case while I was at TK and kept herself updated as best she could. Knowing that she cared so much about me meant a lot to me. I could never have gotten this far without her. She’s the greatest therapist I’ve worked with despite the fact that she pisses me off quite often and pushes me to uncomfortable places. She knows the ability that I have to succeed, and she has helped me find that within myself.
My journey of recovery won’t end when I leave IDC on Thursday. It’s going to be a long road. Recovery is a lifelong process of reconciliation with my body, mind, and spirit. We don’t choose recovery once, we choose it every single day when we fight the ED voice and decide life is worth more than our ED. Urges will come and go, for who knows how long. But I have more faith in my recovery than I’ve ever had before. I may slip up when I go to outpatient. I may even relapse at some point in my life.
But this time around, finally, I know I have the strength within me that I couldn’t see before IDC.