Late Night Thoughts – Thanksgiving

Right now, it is the 25th at 1:22 AM here and I should possibly definitely be sleeping. I am a total night-owl! I could easily be nocturnal. I am still disappointed that the rest of the world does not seem to agree with this…

Admittedly, I am also awake for another reason. I am anxious about the next few days. It is almost Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. I was raised in a church (I no longer belong to) that has a service on Thanksgiving. As a child, this was one of my favorite times at church. Members of the congregation would share experiences of healing and give gratitude. It is such a beautiful way to come together to be grateful and give thanks to God. These days, I do not attend this service, but I still love that I am reminded on Thanksgiving of the theme of gratitude. Christmas tends to be hectic, busy, and I love having a more relaxed Thanksgiving. Note…this used to be my favorite holiday. I am sure that you all, or nearly all, can imagine why I am feeling anxiety about this holiday.

Thanksgiving typically = lots of food!

GAH! Not surprisingly, BC and AAC, were not exactly on board with the original plans to cope with this holiday. Perhaps, because my original plans involved running away until the holiday was over. Yeah…I guess I need to live up to my “life motto” and “Feel the fear and DO IT ANYWAY”

This holiday is definitely going challenge me to epitomize the truth behind that statement. FtF&DiA has become a trademark for me throughout recovery, and my life. Also, many of my readers have read my post where I explained my hopes of becoming a licensed social worker. A big theme of my recovery has been taking my own advice to heart. My goal in life is to live a life where I serve others…with as pure of a heart and intentions as possible. I am currently working on this goal for myself.

I am thinking about the main point I made in my FtF&DiA post. I wrote about how trying to push away my fear leads to me becoming more anxious. It turns into a vicious cycle of panic and worry. So, my goal for Thanksgiving will be to acknowledge my feelings, and then to act in the way that best supports my recovery.

This holiday is going to be difficult. Last year, I was at TK, struggling in my relationship with my family, lonely, severely depressed, and struggling…so this is an emotional day for many reasons. I am going to work hard on Thursday and I am going to reclaim Thanksgiving at my favorite holiday 🙂

Happy Holidays! gratitude7level-of-gratitude

 

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