I’m back..! I feel like it has been a while since I have posted a substantial post. Honestly, I have been in a bit of a funk and struggling with some things. Last night, I had a good cry and I think it was great for me to let out those emotions, even if it is painful and uncomfortable.
Also, I am sending a special little shout-out to one of my dear friends. She is a loyal reader of my blog and recently was lovely enough to share her appreciation for my posts. I love you, KMM.
As I mentioned above…I have been struggling more recently. Motivation was difficult for me to find, I was having a lot of self doubt, and I just felt *blah*.
Wednesday night, I attended a support group held by BM. She did an hour of yoga and an experiential. Yoga was a challenge at times. There is something about BM’s classes…she challenges me to open my heart to the moment, feel my feelings, and it is so beneficial to me. Towards the end of our practice she had us do a guided meditation. Firstly, we breathed in fear, and then breathed out fear. Sitting with this was so uncomfortable. I have a lot of fear in my life. As I have mentioned previously, I have struggled with severe anxiety. At points in my life, I have had daily panic attacks, and struggled to even go outside of my dwelling. These days, I have learned to manage it and I am in control of my anxiety, overall. Secondly, we breathed “love” in and out. It was beautiful.
Following yoga, we discussed our experience. BM has known my since January of last year, and we have a closeness. She has seen me at my worst…it was fabulous talking with her because she helped me see my progress. When I first met BM, I never would have been able to sit with my fear. I probably would not have even tried the exercise. If I had done it, I most likely would have had a panic attack or even a flashback.
Following the program, I stayed and talked to BM for a small conversation. It was so great, and sort of funny, she told me, “I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say this but I was talking to AAC the other night…she is just so proud of you. We both are.” I could have cried right there…they are my heroes and I am so grateful to have their continued support of my recovery.
I am making progress. Some days, it is slower and frustrating. However, I am finding my fire again and I am feeling like I want to continue my fight.
I’ll do this…a moment at a time. Right?